Doc Franchise Writings and Ramblings

Often I am asked to review the sales and marketing pitches provided by franchise development groups and individuals. Many times these have been developed by marketing and are part of an overall franchise development strategy aimed at creating a more appetizing business offering.

Most often the consultants and sales managers who develop these are not aware of the subtle undertones of certain worn-out words and how we have skewed their meanings.

This whole kick on language has come about as I have listened to business development people by the carloads inflict an aura of self-destruction jargon around a business model that has a better story.

I am not getting into the fashioning of the story but I want to address the words and, in any business setting these 12 need to be used sparingly lest you are put in the pen your audience has labeled huckster or B.S. slinger.

Here they are:

1. Just
   This is most often used to make a huge request or error seem trivial as in: “Could you just do this (500 page) document by Monday?”, a request best made late on a Friday afternoon. In sales terms it might be used thusly, "Just think of this as a cost of doing business."
   
2. But
   Remember, whatever is said before “but” is b*llsh*t, as in, “That was a great presentation, but…”, or “I would like to help, but…” (I'm actually not going to help at all!)
   
3. From
   Much loved by advertisers, as in “Fly to Rome from $199″ excluding $200 of taxes and other “optional” extras for a flight leaving at 4am, going to an airport about 100 miles away from Rome and the ticket has to be booked one year in advance.
4. Might (and any other conditional verb)
   Might is used to achieve two things: first it sets up a negotiating position as in, “I might be able to do that if…” Second, it lays the ground work for excusing failure later on: “I might have done it, if only….”
5. Only
   Closely related to “Just”, it is an attempt to make a big request or problem seem small. “It was only a small error….we only dropped one nuclear bomb over London…”
6. Important (and urgent)
   Used to puff up any presentation: “This important new product/initiative…”. Important to who? And why? Maybe it is important to the salesman, but why is it to me?
7. Strategic
   This is the same as "important," but with bells attached to the ankles. See Strategic Human Capital division, formerly known as the Personnel Department. Alternatively used to justify something which has no financial justification at all: “This strategic IT investment…..(which costs $60 million and has no identifiable payback at all) is essential to the survival of the business”
8. Rightsize, downsize, best shore, offshore, outsource, optimize, redeploy, downshift, re-engineer
   How many ways are there of avoiding saying straight up: we are going to lay off staff, kill morale and kill our business culture?
9. Thank you
   Normally “Thank you” is a good thing...except when used by automated voices at call centers located in India or Costa Rica saying, “Thank you for calling, we value your call…(and we have so much contempt for our customers that we can not be bothered to answer your call promptly, so we will put you on hold until you give up and try to use our impenetrable and useless online help instead).” Similarly, in a sales connection when you, as the potential client ask a meaningful question that has no simple answers and the sales type says, "That's a very good question." Be careful. That usually means a not so very good answer is about to follow.
   
10. Interesting
    Fear this word. When your franchise lawyer uses it, you are doomed. When your doctor uses it, check your will is up to date. "These are interesting times." Uh huh. A slightly less interesting time would be preferable.
11. Opportunity
    Because the word “problem” has been banned in business speak, all problems have become opportunities. This means many opportunities are problems. There is a limit to how many opportunities I can solve. Interesting and strategic opportunities really scare me.
12. Investment
    Investment was first hijacked by the British government to justify wild and uncontrolled public sector spending. Our government followed suit. Spending is bad, but investment is good, so they simply re-classified all their spending as “investment” in the health, education and future of the country. The businesses which followed the government’s lead by going on a spending/investment splurge are now going bust: unlike the government, they can not print money or raise taxes.

I am sure you have your favorites. If so, add them in when you leave your comments.

John is a 26-year professional in the franchise industry. He has been a franchisee, a franchise executive and an advocate/consultant to the public and to dozens of franchise companies. He is the founder and managing partner of Wilson Associates and can be reached at docfranchise@gmail.com. or direct office 480.838.1641